I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me. Rodney Dangerfield View this quote
I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me. Rodney Dangerfield
Rodney Dangerfield
I have tried a little kinky stuff. A woman called me and said, ‘I have mirrors all over my bedroom. Bring a bottle.’ I brought Windex. Rodney Dangerfield
Being a functioning alcoholic is kind of like being a paraplegic lap dancer – you can do it, just not as well as the others, really. Robin Williams
Robin Williams
No amount of time can erase the memory of a good cat and no amount of masking tape can ever totally remove his fur from your couch. Leo Buscaglia
Leo Buscaglia
I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her. Rodney Dangerfield
You know, you can touch a stick of dynamite, but if you touch a venomous snake it’ll turn around and bite you and kill you so fast it’s not even funny. Steve Irwin
Steve Irwin
Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies. Milton Berle
Milton Berle
Get daoowwn! Arnold Schwarzenegger
Arnold Schwarzenegger
You know, marriage is making a big comeback. I know personally that in Hollywood people are marrying people they never married before. Bob Hope
Bob Hope
I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again. Rodney Dangerfield
