Mark Twain

When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not.

Mark Twain

When people do not respect us we are sharply offended; yet deep down in his private heart no man much respects himself.

Mark Twain

When red headed people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn.

Mark Twain

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.

Mark Twain

When you cannot get a compliment any other way pay yourself one.

Mark Twain

Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?

Mark Twain

Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.

Mark Twain

Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which, before their union, were not perceived to have any relation.

Mark Twain

Work and play are words used to describe the same thing under differing conditions.

Mark Twain

Work is a necessary evil to be avoided.

Mark Twain