Mark Twain

Sane and intelligent human beings are like all other human beings, and carefully and cautiously and diligently conceal their private real opinions from the world and give out fictitious ones in their stead for general consumption.

Mark Twain

Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination.

Mark Twain

Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.

Mark Twain

Substitute ‘damn’ every time you’re inclined to write ‘very;’ your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

Mark Twain

The Christian’s Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes.

Mark Twain

The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco.

Mark Twain

The difference between the almost-right word & the right word is really a large matter-it’s the difference between the lightning bug and the lightning.

Mark Twain

The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.

Mark Twain

The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven not man’s.

Mark Twain

The existing phrasebooks are inadequate. They are well enough as far as they go, but when you fall down and skin your leg they don’t tell you what to say.

Mark Twain