Rodney Dangerfield

Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.

Rodney Dangerfield

I don’t get no respect.

Rodney Dangerfield

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

Rodney Dangerfield

Life’s a short trip. You’ll find out.

Rodney Dangerfield

A girl phoned me the other day and said… ‘Come on over, there’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home.

Rodney Dangerfield

At twenty-eight, I decided to quit show business, get married, lead a so-called normal life. To give you an idea of how well I was doing at the time I quit, I was the only one who knew I quit.

Rodney Dangerfield

Better to keep quiet and let people think you’re an idiot than speak up and confirm it.

Rodney Dangerfield

Everyone gets their rough day. No one gets a free ride. Today so far, I had a good day. I got a dial tone.

Rodney Dangerfield

Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, ‘Where’d you get the pig?’ Guy says, ‘This is a duck.’ Bartender says, ‘I was talking to the duck.’

Rodney Dangerfield

He who laughs last didn’t get the joke in the first place.

Rodney Dangerfield